At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
