You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Your penis caused this!
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