so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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