take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
