Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
