Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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