u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
