I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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