so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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