Non-Jews are for practice
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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