what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
