I cannot find my penis.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
