oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
