Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
