the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
