Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
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