Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
