So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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