I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
