"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
