we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
