Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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