I just saw a hot homeless man
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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