totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
