theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
