My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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