I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
