i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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