She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
