her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
