Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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