I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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