i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
