Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Randomize
