My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
