If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
