I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Green mimosas i think yes
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Watching her eat just hurts me
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
