so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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