She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
