It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
