my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
