You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
