i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Randomize
