If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
