Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Buhtt sex?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
