Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
