Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
