tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
