When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
