Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
